A very special Whore's Birthday!

Hello everyone!

Tonight it is just me, British Bitch. I gave American Whore the night off, due to the fact that it's her BIRTHDAY TODAY!! yay!

I just want to take this moment to wish her a very happy birthday, and that I hope she has a wonderful day. I couldn't have asked for a better friend or met a nicer Whore.

You are like the other half of me and now that I have found you I don't know what I would do without you.

If I could give you this gorgeous man then I would!

Ok so enough of the soppy shit! 

Did you guys check out Robert Pattinson's, Details, Photoshoot last week? Oh. My. God. Sweet baby Jesus, he looked like a mother fucking god. In my dreams Rob is usually surrounded by naked women, now all I need is for those naked women to be me!

Here's a couple of my fav shots from the shoot:

Fucking hot aren't they? UNF! See this is what happens when you let me take total control, you end up with Rob pic spam!! :P

Updates (no JxB, sorry ladies!):

Beautiful, Dirty, Rich by Kiki Blue - ExB - Summary: One Bet. One Week. No Rules. Bella bets Edward that after a week of some raw sexcapades he won’t want to stop. He bets her otherwise. A slightly tongue in cheek smutathon and my first fan-fic. Follow Cullen’s and Co to see what it means to be Beautiful, Dirty and Rich. Finally we get to see why Edward ran off after his night with Bella! Its been killing me for weeks now! Did he just go out for coffee like I was praying to be the case? Or did he have a freak out like I fear the most? Well KiKi did not disappoint. Poor Edward is just an roller coaster of emotions. His whole world is turned around upside down in one night; his playboy father has fallen in love and wants to get married; his best friend and wingman is also madly in love and in a serious relationship; plus he's having confusing feelings about a girl who he's not supposed to have any feelings at all for!! Tough break for Edward. To top it all off he finds out that Bella is going on her date with Jacob... Personally I think Edward should crash the date, mainly for comedic value, but also with a good incentive of showing her how much he cares, even if it is indirectly. Anyway, this is one of my all time fav stories and I NEED you to go check it out. Send Kiki my love, ok?

Demon's and Sinners by Alsper - AxJ - Summary: Everyone has a demon that makes you sin. Can Alice escape the violence to find her white rabbit? Will Jasper see through the pain for his true salvation? AH/AU Not intended for the weak hearted. Rated M for Sex, Drugs and Violence. This chapter was the prologue chapter!! Ahh!! Omg so many surprises in this chapter but I think Alsper wrote it really well. Its sad to think that this story will be coming to an end soon, I have followed it from the start and fallen in love with the characters as well as the authors. Its been a very emotional roller coaster and I am very interested to see how they wrap this story up. Will we get a glimpse into the future and see that time heals all wounds or will they leave us guessing as to weather Jazzy and Kitten finally got their happy ending? I didn't want to give too much away about this chapter, so I shall discuss more about what happened when they next update! Mwahaha, I'm evil like that. So go fucking read it if you really want to know what happened!

Daniel Gale: Cumming to America - Summary: Nerdalicious Daniel Gale is saying goodbye to England and hello to the United States. Looking to reinvent himself, he is all too gratified by the corn-fed derriers of Americans. Daniel Gale/Twilight cross over, slightly crackfic, AU, AH, Prepare for Perv Oh my god. Daniel has me giggling all the way through this. As a British person, I fear you may look at him and think that is what all our guys are like, but trust me when I say he's an exception. And don't go looking at Huge Grant to see what our lads are like either!! Anyway back to the story! Daniel has spent this entire chapter worrying about getting nervous erections in the locker room and trying to make his move on Bella. With a little help from Emmett, by the end of the chapter he's really made some progress and mastered the art of bumping and grinding! However will all that food and alcohol mess up his chances? I have a sinking feeling that it might. Poor Danny Boy. Can't wait for the next chapter this story is my candy, at the moment, in amongst all my angst and smut.

The Misapprehension of Bella Swan by hunterhunting - ExB - Summary: The Misapprehension of Bella Swan Regarding the Inferior Intellect of Hockey Players: Through incessant stalking and persistence, can Edward wear down Bella's resistence and teach her to embrace her inner puck bunny? A ridiculous love story. AH/OCC. UNNF! I don't think i've ever watched a whole game of ice hockey... but man do I ever want to go to one now. I think hunterhunting could make anything sexy... she has opened up so many avenues for me that I never even thought about, sad as it is, I never even took much notice of tattoo's now one of the first things I ask a guy is if he has one :P I know what i'll be asking him now..."How big is your hockey stick? Will it damage my beaver? I don't really fancy having a busted beaver." *giggles a lot*  Its sassy, classy, entertaining and sexy as hell.

If you end up reading one of these beauties makes sure you let the author know where you heard about it!

Many thanks for reading.

A happy birthday again to Jess!

Your Rose and Bella.

New schedule & we're co-hosting a contest.

'ello poppetts! Hope you're all having a good start to the week! So, the British Bitch and I decided after our lackage of posting to put together a more realistic posting schedule and here's what it's going to look like:

Mondays: SMUT OF THE WEEK!

Thursdays: ANGST OF THE WEEK!
Sundays: PODCAST DAYS! <- That's right! Coming soon!

Anywhoozle, hope that sets things straight for ya'll. Now... moving on. I would like to try something new for this week. If you don't know I am an angst loving h00r, it's my favorite to read and I can never seem to get enough of it. Well in my preparations for the week I realized I haven't read all that much lately, especially anything angsty! *gasp* I know right?! I am just as shocked as the British Bitch is. SO, what I would LOVE from all you lovely poppetts is your most angsty rec, hit me with - hit me with it hard! The sooner the better, k?! Thank you in advance!

You're Invited!

"A Very Sexy Un-Birthday Contest"

A Twilight Fanfiction Challenge

Hosted and Judged by BBSapphire24, Calikisses, Iciripiciri, Makkitotosimew, PrettyFace27

You have an important date to attend a tea party of epic proportions.

So grab your writing utensils and take a trip down the rabbit hole

To create a birthday story like no other,

Filled with your favorite Twilight characters, citrus, and wonder.

Don't be late!

You can check out the details and any other information you'll need for the contest, here.

Smut of the Week.
Master of the Universe by Snowqueens Icedragon; Chapter 71. Yeah you will see this a lot as my smut of the week, but I can't help it, its just so bloody fantastic. In the previous chapter Edward and Bella were playing pool, If Edward won the game he said he would spank her over the pool table, then fuck her over it. And boy did he ever. UNF! Icy creates wonderful scenes in my mind that get my heart racing and, NGL, my panties a little moist. Done from Bella's POV, you feel like you are Bella, you can feel what shes feeling (obviously to a certain extent.) and you can also get a really good idea about what Edward is feeling too, the primal need he has to control is strong, but this time we see that his love for Bella is bigger than that now. If you are looking for a Domward to adore then look no further. Edward might really be fifty shades of fucked up but he's also one sexy, smooth, rich, mother fucker.

Updates:

Mr Horrible Two: Electric Squeakquelboo by Ohl - ExB. No summary for this. For those of you who don't have her on author alert. Ohl is ooohlalaa. She's back, and she's writing again but wont be posting or sharing her previous stories. This is the sequal to algonquinrt's Mr Horrible unfortunately due to personal reasons, algonquinrt, is unable to continue writing fanfiction or even be part of the fandom, therefore Ohl has picked up her WIP stories and they are very good. Ohl is a very talented writer and it shows her skills even more than she can take other peoples fictions and still keep the characters intact. Especially with a story like Mr Horrible, which has such eccentric characters. So in Mr Horrible two, Baby Swan and Rich Kid have been married 5 years and Bella has hit a low point, she wants a family desperately but can't have children, The couple look into adoption. If you liked Mr Horrible, I think you will like this too, despite the change in author, and If you haven't read Mr Horrible and dont think you have time to read a finished fic then don't worry, its not too confusing to just start with this chapter.

Daniel Gale: Cumming to America by danielgaleh00rs -  Nerdalicious Daniel Gale is saying goodbye to England and hello to the United States. Looking to reinvent himself, he is all too gratified by the corn-fed derriers of Americans. Daniel Gale/Twilight cross over, slightly crackfic, AU, AH, Prepare for Perv. If you're looking for something different and love yourself a little Robert Pattinson Geek. These girls have taken Robert Pattinson's character from The Bad Mother's Handbook and landed him right into the All Human Twilight world. I'm only four chapters into this story and it has had me snorting with laughter. As an english person its great to have something to bring the two together. Finally a fic where there are very few "Z" and we use "U's" instead of "O's". Not to mention the Dr Who references and other British phenomena's.

The University Of Edward Masen by SebastienRobichaud - ExB. Summary: Edward Masen is the selfish and brooding university professor; Bella

Swan is his shy, but determined graduate student. Appearances can be deceiving. Have their paths crossed before? Rated M for good reason, all human, canon pairings, AU, OOC. Its Thanksgiving! Bella and Edward are at home in Forks with their families and Bella has been having some more trouble with her Ex-boyfriend, Jacob. I am a couple of chapters behind so forgive me if this is nothing new to you. I am loving this story so much. The writing is impeccable and the characters are so intriguing. Something that always draws me into fics is the attention to detail and I am in awe with this story when it comes to detail. I think this is a great read for anyone looking for slow build and a sexy professor. Lots and lots of UST! :D

Master of the Universe by Snowqueens Icedragon - ExB. Bella Swan is drafted in to interview the reclusive enigmatic Edward Cullen, multi-millionaire CEO of his company. It's an encounter that will change her life irrevocably, leading her to the darkest realms of desire. MA Adult Themes AH AU. Give me a moment please ladies, Im just recovering from the smut. Once again Bella tests fifty shades boundaries and he in turn tests hers, however, in very different ways: Edward has now taken ownership of Bella, he covets her and wants to control her, because lets face it, first and foremost he is a control freak. Bella on the otherhand, gives spanking another go. See smut of the week for more info. So another great chapter from Icy, I adore her writing and I adore her characters, I can't wait to see where else she takes us with this story.

The First Breath by ElleCC and LaViePastiche - JxB. Summary: When grief and uncertainty threaten to drown you, how do you catch your breath? For Support Stacie Auction winner JAustenlover. Collab with ElleCC. AH. Bella/Jasper. ~ *sigh* We got the final chapter of TFB on Saturday, with only the epilogue left I find myself sad to see it ending. It's a perfect time for it and the characters have not only dealt with some serious shit but they've overcome it, or are facing it head on. Everything wasn't neatly wrapped up, but it was done nicely for the story and I loved it. So, if you prefer reading completed stories and aren't reading this yet :O then get over to either ElleCC's or LaViePastiche's profiles! The links can be found on the side of our blog!

In A New Direction by AmberStar63 - JxA. - Summary: Alice is forced into reexamining her life and the choices she made. A story about changes, friendships and letting yourself live the life you deserve. A/J, B/E, R/Em – AH Rated M for language & future lemons ~ It is yet another ending to a beautiful story. My darling Amber's story has come to an end that couldn't have been done better. She kept true to the characters she created and had me teary throughout the last chapter. Surprises and laughs were had, and the happily ever after that this group of friends deserved was given. I adored it, please go check it out!

Nonsense and Other Various Whatnots by SweetDulcinea - Summary: A collection of random one-shots, drabbles, and short pieces. Various pairings ~ So I only got to read the first of the collection of one-shots but it was great. Sweets did a wonderful job of writing Jasper and Maria - before he left her. It's quite canon from SM's book but Sweets' twist. I was a little hesitant to read it, but I did and I'm glad. Using her words, she did an amazing job at seeing both these characters in different lights and showing you the other side that exists for every story. Go now birdies, check it out!

The Twilight 25: Round Two  by LaViePastiche - Summary: Bits and bobbles and maybe a one-shot or two for the Twilight 25 challenge on Livejournal. All sorts of pairings, AH, AU, maybe even some canon. Will likely consist of 100 word drabbles. ~ Oh LVP has done such a great job so far on her Twi25. With two prompts down, she's written two drabbles that were quite funny. One Jasper/Bella that had me giggling - I swear, if SM had done the whole Twilight Saga JxB than LVP would have just nailed that hammer on the head. It was great! Her second was, technically a Jasper/Maria, with a hint of Peter. I am never one to complain about Jasper and Peter - and how LVP did this one, haha, just read it. It was a good laugh, but you'll be with Peter on this one, I can almost guarantee that.

You know the drill, give credit where credit is due. We would appreciate it muchly.

Thanks for reading,

Your Rose and Bella.

Excuses, Excuses...

So ladies and gents, FanFicers Anonymous posts have progressively decreased, and we are truly sorry for that. It does not mean we are not here and not thinking of all of you - we are. Real life and other obligations have picked up for the British Bitch and I. But alas, we are here with your updates, rec's and whatever else we can do for you! Hope you enjoy it!


Ok, so my whore don't know I'm doing this but it needs to be reced!!
The Twilight 25: Round Two: Winter 2010 by BBSapphire24 - Various couples. - So she has just posted her first o/s from the twilight 25 prompts and its really good. The prompt used was Dark; Jess looked into the Darkest part of Edward life: leaving Bella and this is what she came up with. Its a unique insight into Edwards mind with a slight twist from the book. She does angst so well, this had me all choked up and made my heart ache. She really touched on not just what Edward was feeling but the rest of the Cullens too. An excellent read for any Twilight lover!


Another thing I would like to mention is something that Sweets, who you might know as SweetDulcinea or SweetDulci decided to put together a Fandom Birthday List to keep things straight in the massive group of people we have formed! Check out the link, add your birthday if you want and check out some of the other fandom bdays that are going on! Pass it along, let's get this thing going, K? Thanks! You can find the Twilight Fandom Birthday spreadsheet HERE!


The Kill a Cullen contest can be found here, including voting and information:


Kill a Cullen Contest -  2/09/10 - VOTING HAS STARTED! Please select 3 choices when voting. The poll will be up from Feb 9th to Feb 23rd. ~ Please GO! Read and Review and VOTE! A message from the admins over at "Kill a Cullen" -  We would like to thank everyone that entered. The response was amazing! Also, thank you to everyone and every site that pimped out the contest! Now Go Vote!Updates over the last... however long its been:

Nothings Logical by AonL - A simple outing between friends is supposed to be what friendship is all about,right? That's what J/B/A/R/E thought too, but instead were quickly faced with a scenario worse than any nightmare... Will any of them survive? AH.Violence.M ~ My guy A went and wrote himself a one-shot. And what contest more fitting for him than the "Kill a Cullen" contest. It is not like anything I've read, he's got a different approach on things and there's nothing typical about it. The images he created were clear and fantastic. It was truly fabulous, and you need to read it - you won't be disappointed. And if you are, come to me! ;)

Bite Your Lip by HisShinySilverVolvo - JxB - They were broken when they found each other, and together they mended each other's wounds... but every harsh wound always leaves a scar. Complicated, stupid, selfish, impossible... love.  Jasper-Bella story, Rated M to be safe. 600 reviews! ~ This is a great JxB story. The author doesn't get to update all that often, so when we do get updates it's a great surprise. It's a take off of New Moon, Jasper and Bella help each other a lot - through different things and in different ways. HisShinySilverVolvo does an amazing job with the descriptions and painting an image for you. We're about 24 chapters in, GO CHECK IT OUT! ;)

The First Breath by ElleCC and LaViePastiche - JxB - When grief and uncertainty threaten to drown you, how do you catch your breath? For Support Stacie Auction winner JAustenlover. Collab with LaViePastiche. AH, Bella/Jasper. ~ Wow, where to begin? Since the last post these two amazing ladies have decided to post on a more accelerated schedule, meaning every other day we are getting a chapter! It's fabulous. So much has happened. Insight, knowledge and communication between all of the characters have revealed so much. We've been introduced to some new and fun characters who I am loving. *cough*Bradysstillmyfavorite*cough* They broke my heart, had me in tears, and than I found myself bouncing in my chair like a school girl who finally got the date with her crush! I KNOW! :O SO, tell me.... why aren't YOU reading this? Go!

Insecurities by JamesRamsey - JxB - Suddenly I realized the family had it wrong. I had it wrong. Jasper was not attacking me and Edward was not protecting me. AU OOC Rated M to be safe - My first story ~ It all begins on the pivotal night of Bella's birthday. Something went wrong, but being the only human in the room could we really trust Bella's POV? Well this is a great twist on what happened. It was well written and captivating. I only got to read the first chapter but it has been continued (24 more chapters) and I can't wait to sit down and read this one! 

He and She by AHizelm - JxB - Sometimes, you can't fight chemistry, no matter the situation. "I know all your favorite spots and tonight we will connect the dots." Jasper/Bella. AH. ~ *sigh* I have to admit, it's sad to see this beautiful story coming to a close, but it's time. With only two more chapters left, AHizelm updated and filled us in with most of the questions we've been begging for since they came to the surface. Rosalie's part... wait WHAT Maria.. yea! I won't say anymore but it was typical AHizelm. Written fantastically and left you wanting more. GO, show her some love - this is a great story!

Camels and Cloves by Chicklette - JxB - It's not what they say, it's what they whisper: New girl Isabella Swan has heard nothing good about Jasper Whitlock. So why can't she stay away from him? Are the rumors true? AH/OOC M- drink/drugs/sex. "For the Love of Jasper" Contest. ~ This little diddy was rec'd to me by a new friend I found on Twitter, so I checked it out. Amazing. I couldn't get this out of my mind for like 24 hours straight. I was so sad to see it as just a One-shot, the potential this has is unbelievable! You meet Jasper and think you know him - trust me, you don't! Bella, I LOVED her Bella! It had it's angsty moments, but weren't too bad and Chicklette had me cracking up some moments! Go, please, check this out!

Toxic by SweetDulcinea - PxB - Bella & Peter have done it all - friendship, dating, bed buddies, and every confusing fluctuation in between. They eventually come to accept that they just don't work together, but that sexual chemistry never goes away... AH ~ OMFG! That's basically the jist of this chapter. Sweets did another great job. More insight to a more comfortable and relaxed Peter and Bella, obviously a little more settled into the relationship the author decided to spice things up... A LOT! Mirrors, lemons, salt and Tequila were a major contributor to this chapter. I fucking loved it, seriously, it was un-fucking-believable! GO! NOW!

The Dark Side of The Moon by JaspersPrincess213 - JxB - Bella is much stronger than she thinks. When Edward tries to leave her in New Moon, she understands what he’s doing and gets him to stay. Everything is great until she realizes that they just weren’t meant to be. J/B Story. Rated M for language & lemons.  ~ I missed this update, somehow, and when I found out this updated I ran over to read it. Such a good story. It's New Moon but the way all of us fandom gals would have done it. I don't know how many times I have heard from all you amazing woman what a wuss Bella was and how she should have stood up to Edward, well you should read this! It's written beautifully. Bella is strong, she speaks up for herself and doesn't take shit - but she doesn't cross the line of bitchy. Edward... well I believe in my review I asked if I could smack him. I want to throttle the son of a bitch throughout the story! ::epic fucking eyeroll:: It's a great story, please check it out and leave some love!

The Reborn by Alsper - JxA - Mary died when Jasper was a kid, so who is Alice and why is he so drawn to her? AH/AU Rated M for language, adult themes, and sexual content ~ Mary and Jazz are back! I love this story! "sings* "I'm not you're boyfriend baby, I ain't your cute little sex toy, I'm not your lion or your tiger, won't be your nasty little boy." - LOVE this song and this fic! Alsper has created a completely different story for Jasper and Alice, that will break your heart and leave you in awe over the love story. Emmett cracks me up, as does Edward. Rose is brilliant and even Bella - not many like this one. It's a brilliant story - read it!

Son of a Preacher Man by LaViePastiche - ExBxJ - The wild son of a famous televangelist, Jasper likes to love ‘em and leave ‘em. Will he meet his match in Bella, who’s in love with his sister’s boyfriend Edward? And what happens when Edward finally notices her? AH, B/E ~ *sigh* Another story coming to a close. I will seriously miss this story and this Jasper. LVP has out-done herself yet again. Emmett and his knowledge, jokes, and banter had be cracking up. I love the relationship he has with Bella. Edward had his moments where I wanted to smack him - NGL (you all know I am a JxB - but I fucking love this story) and he was frustrating but.... he kinda redeemed himself. The time with Rosalie was done brilliantly. I loved it. There's one more chapter of this fabulous story left, GO, catch up with us and let LVP know what an amazing job she's done! ;)

Edward Wallbanger by feathersmmmm -ExB - Bella moves into a fantastic apartment building in San Francisco. Guess who lives next door? With walls this thin, the tension is gonna be thick... Wallbanger and Nightie girl are back!! I loved this chapter so much! Finally the couples realise who they are really supposed to be with and a little help from a very drunk Bella sort them out good and proper, but will it do the same for her and wallbanger? I hope so!! On another note: Congratulations to Alice, the author, she has just published her first book. It went on sale Tuesday 16th of February, titled: The Unidentified Red Head.

Clipped Wings and Inked Armour by hunterhunting - ExB -Hunted by her past Bella is broken and alone. Starting over, can she let go of the guilt that consumes her when she meets a beautiful tattoo artist or will his own personal demons destroy them first? Rated M for langage and lemons. AH/OOC Since we last posted this has updated twice and has now finished. I am very very sad to see this story finished but felt very privilaged that it was posted online for me to have a chance to read it. I have a new found love and respect for tattoo's and I just fell in love with these characters, even with all there many many faults they were still perfect for each other. Its was raw and beautiful, and I love it because of that. hunterhunting is an exstreamly talented author and I cant wait to read what else she writes.

The Misapprehension of Bella Swan by hunterhunting - ExB. The Misapprehension of Bella Swan Regarding the Inferior Intellect of Hockey Players: Through incessant stalking and persistence, can Edward wear down Bella's resistence and teach her to embrace her inner puck bunny? A ridiculous love story. AH/OCC Chapter three!! I adored it! Was full of smutty goodness but still kept that quirky edge! Something completely different from hunterhunting, but this just really shows off her skills as a writer and I can't wait to read more of Hockeyward and his Spiderbella. 

Master of the Universe by Snowqueens Icedragon - ExB - Bella Swan is drafted in to interview the reclusive enigmatic Edward Cullen, multi-millionaire CEO of his company. It's an encounter that will change her life irrevocably, leading her to the darkest realms of desire. MA Adult Themes AH AU Sometimes I just really want to punch this Bella. She doesn't know when to shut the fuck up. Every time something is great she thinks its too good to be true and has to go and piss off fifty shades! She expects an awful lot from him all the time and then isn't grateful she's guilty. Thinking that shes forcing him to be something hes not, she should know he well enough by now that If he didn't want to do something he wouldn't do it. he's very clinical and business like, if something doesn't have a profit then its not worth investing in. Still wonderfully written and I adore the characters, despite my rant. Still I think the best thing about this story is the attention to detail, its makes it so much more realistic and beautiful.

Beautiful, Dirty, Rich. By Kiki Blue - ExB - One Bet. One Week. No Rules. Bella bets Edward that after a week of some raw sexcapades he won’t want to stop. He bets her otherwise. A slightly tongue in cheek smutathon and my first fan-fic. Unfortunately, the story had to be taken off of FF.net due to the fuckyness that is going on at the moment. However you can find it at Twilighted.net, or if you'd prefer, The writers coffee shop, here. In this latest chapter we see what Alice got up to over the summer whilst in New York. How come she's in love with Jasper all of a sudden?! o.O All shall be revealed!! :D I love Kiki and BDR! You should also come hang out at the BDR forum, where us filthy BDR fans talk about many many things such as penis size, porn, perfect dates, the ones that got away and more! Here.If you leave a review on any of these stories please don't forget to let them know that you heard about there story from over here at Fanficers Anonymous. Thanks darlings.

And.... The British Bitch and American Whore would like to wish a....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SWEETDULCI and TAFKAKirmit!

The boys have offered to take you ladies out, as body guards - "bait" - whatever you need. Just please, make sure you return them - The British Bitch and I have become quiet fond of the BDay Boys and would miss them terribly! ;)

Enjoy your days ladies! <3

Thanks very much for reading, we hope we have given you something good to read.

Until next time...

Your Rose and Bella.